I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I smell stomach acid.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
