Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We got so high we made milksteak
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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