he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
