Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
