i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
