Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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