Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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