I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
