On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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