I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
