i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
