Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
