He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
