What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize