That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
