well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can I color on your dick again?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
