Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ttyl tear gas
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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