Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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