my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
