he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't notice because vodka
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
