I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
well you can't waste a boner
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
