If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
