I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
