if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize