1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
