You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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