I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
