oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
