Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize