Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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