Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
