Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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