Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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