If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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