My underwear smells like fireworks.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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