Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize