Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
