apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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