I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
