They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
