I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
