Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
