So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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