You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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