Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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