That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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