"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
