Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
