The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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