I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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