Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
