I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
