I just pynch a tree in the face
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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