Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
