So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
