Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
