you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize