Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
