yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
