I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize