I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize