I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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