At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
