there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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