how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize