no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
