he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
