The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
