She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
