We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
