it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
