the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
