I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
