Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
