somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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