Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
